You are very much a supporter of the "old time" football, Oldage.
The carrot and the whip were used in the past, but the modern way of getting the best out of a group of players is to treat them as adults.
Respect has to be earned, not thrust on the players, as in the past.
Explanations of what is required, why it is required, and of re-showing the game with the focus on what has gone wrong and of players owning up to their mistakes is now the way.
Big difference from being "one of the boys" as you put it.
The days of throwing things at the players in the changing room has gone. Rationalisation and discussion have taken over. Common sense prevails these days, there can be no bullying as in the past.